Is that "normal" I see in the distant future?!

This Thursday makes 20 weeks of Chemotherapy and my last treatment.  When I began this journey I never thought that my final treatment would ever get here.  I survived hair loss, joint and muscle pain,acne, neuropathy, hot flashes,  gum swelling and bleeding, dry mouth, mouth sores, nausea, extremely tender finger nails, constipation, diarrhea, blurred vision, migraines, insomnia, fatigue... oh heck if it was a side effect - I have experienced it.   I have learned that the human body is very forgiving.  You adapt to what is your normal at the time.  It wasn't until I started reflecting on everything that I realized just how crummy I have felt.  I understand I wont feel like my energetic self for a whole year, but in a month I will be able to tell a difference and in three I will be dumbfounded at how much better I will feel.

I have had my sweet little girl, wonderful family, and fantastic friends to keep me going in what I like to refer to as my "dark days".  These were days that I didn't want to get out of bed, pick up the phone, or participate.  Thank you for standing by my side without waver. I never had any doubt in my mind, but this has more than solidified that I married the perfect man for me.  Brandon has stood by my side, gone to every appointment, and helped me make some of the hardest decisions of my life thus far.  He took my diagnosis as "OUR" diagnosis and we have done this together.  He is without a doubt the most loyal and loving husband I could have ever dreamed of.  He is also a fantastic father, wanting to spend every second he can with his little girl.   I have also learned that a Mother's love runs deep and forever.  It has been so hard to not be the mom I want to be, but because I haven't been there my very own mom has stepped in.  My Mom I am convinced is super human.  Taking care of Anna, myself and keeping the house running while Brandon is at work.  Most of all she is always ready with a hug and kiss and knows just the right thing to say.  I never doubted my mother's love but this life altering situation has demonstrated to me just how much she does love me and my family.  She has dropped her life to help me with mine.  Without Brandon and my Mom I would be completely lost.

As I celebrate the completion of chemotherapy, I am haunted by the looming date of surgery.  March 11th at 6am I will go under the knife for 6 to 8 hours to have a double mastectomy without nipple sparing and latissimuss dorsi flaps with reconstruction.  This is a fancy for saying they are going to take my breast tissue, leave the skin that covers them, use a muscle in my back to help create a smoother breast mound, and put in expanders.  The expanders will be behind my pectoral wall and the plastic surgeon will add fluid to them on a weekly basis to stretch out my muscles in preparation for the actual implants.  I will have the implants put in probably around July, and will then begin nipple reconstruction and tattooing.  This isn't a short process.

I debated long and hard about plastic surgery.  It is totally unnecessary, and if I was older then I wouldn't worry with it.  Since I am planning on living well into my 90's I am going to take the bull by the horns and do it!  It is amazing how your breast being removed is so emotional, it is a piece of me I have had for 29 years and I had intended on keeping for the rest of my life.  It is part of your body that defines you as a woman and if you breast feed it is part of defining you as a mother.  Who would have thought that the breasts that I tried to hide until I was almost in high school, I would now want to recreate after they had been removed.  I think it is safe to say that my breasts and I have had a roller coaster of a relationship.  My new breast will never be like my God given breast and will always hold the marks of a "Survivor", but hey when I am 93 guess who is still going to have perky ones!!  

One battle of breast cancer almost complete and preparations for the next underway, but at least my hair is growing back.  I joke that I have a lions mane now, however I look more like a minion.  I am happy for the itchy scalp and look forward to every little hair that sprouts!  The return to my new normal doesn't happen overnight.    

                         

I haven't written much through my Taxol treatments.  The neuropathy makes it difficult to type, but this week we preserver!  Here are some pictures from the past few weeks:  

The following are pictures from Weeks 4-11 of Taxol Treatments, please keep in mind that after treatment I am tipsy.  Treatment is the equivalent of having one glass of wine. FYI I haven't hardly had anything to drink since before June of 2011.  That was a really long time ago.  Needless to say I have fun when treatment is over, that is when the camera comes out!

 Taxol Treatment #4

 Taxol Treatment #5

 Taxol Treatment #6

                                                                          Taxol Treatment          #7

Taxol Treatment # 8 - Getting Excited!

 Taxol Treatment # 9

 Taxol Treatment # 10

Never knew I could jump so high or that I would be such a great mime!

Taxol Treatment # 11 An awesome display of my nonexistent athleticism!!!! 

Dress Up Time with Anna!!!  Dont worry there are more to come!  Thank goodness for $1.99 Halloween Costumes and my husbands amazing shopping skills.

Fun outing with Grandmommy, Nana, Gigi, and Anna. 

We had lunch in Homewood and looked in a shop or two.

Getting ready for a New Years Eve date with Anna and Brandon aka Daddy.

We made it to MIDNIGHT!!! 2014 dancing in the living room!

A perfect visit from the one and only Shannon Kelly.  I would be lost without her. Love you Killa K!

2014 Snow Day!!  More pics to come.  Anna loved the snow, but was very concerned that it was sticking to her boots.  I think she has some OCD tendencies. We came in and had hot chocolate to thaw out.